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brooklyn nine-nine inspired sentence meme

acidtoned:

  • “I kinda wish something could happen, between us, romantic styles.”
  • “You can’t handle the me!”
  • “Forget your ex, have meaningless sex. It rhymes because it’s true.”
  • “The English language cannot fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I’m incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky-face.”
  • “Yay, enemies for life!”
  • “It’s the most fun day of the year, something you wouldn’t understand because you’re not programmed to feel joy.”
  • “Almost makes me wanna take things seriously all the time, but then I’m like, ‘boobs, farts, boobs, whatever.’”
  • “He is a sea-witch in disguise, do not sing into his shell!”
  • “I cannot believe that I’m considering a non-violent option.”
  • “I’m gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.”
  • “Blink twice if you’d like me to mercy kill you.”
  • “I feel like I’m the Paris of people.”
  • “My mother cried when I was born because she knew that she’d never be better than me.”
  • “I am flummoxed! That’s a word I learned for this party, and I am it!”
  • “No staring at your phone, no rolling in two hours late, no sweatpants, no jeans, no shorts.”
  • “I’m fine at parties. I just stand in the middle of the room and don’t say anything.”
  • “The greatest thing that could ever happen has just happened.”
  • “Chop-chop. There’s plenty of embarrassing to do and only a few hours to do it in.”
  • “What’s the safest way to set a car on fire?”
  • “Space is scary! You saw what it did to Sandy Bullock!”
  • “Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.”
  • “Ugh, she never smiles. Is her mouth broken!?”
  • “Hey, you like spaghetti? And weed?”
  • “I mean, why would a death threat be a big deal? Oh, that’s right, ‘cause it threatens death!”
  • “That’s right! Just kicked Santa in the testicles.”
  • “Guaranteed train-wreck. Thanks for the invite.”
  • “Can we please eat?! My body is starting to digest itself.”
  • “Yeah, but that was before I knew I could get up on this high horse. Love the view up here. Clip clop!”
  • “Turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton re: her sex tape.”
  • “Don’t give candy to a baby! They can’t brush their teeth!”
  • “The inside of your cheeks are very sensitive. It’s like the inside of your thighs, but with tongue.”
  • “But seriously, what’s your favourite Jay-Z song?”
  • “Shhhhh…turn off your mouth siren…”
  • “You look like a corpse we just pulled out of the river.”

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