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mahvelousnoveliist:

STARTERS: ❝ COTDAMMITELIZABETH. ❞

  • ‘ Are you ready for this journey, ____ ? _____, are you ready or NOT ? ‘
  • ‘ This is the easiest part, okay ? ‘
  • ‘ Do you wanna lose this pounds or NOT ? ‘
  • ‘ Don’t give me the finger. ‘
  • ‘ You got little feet. ‘
  • ‘ Are you kidding me, ____ ? ‘
  • ‘ MOVE THOSE FEET. YOUR LITTLE TURTLE FEET. ‘
  • ‘ Is this a pit stop ? Are you serious, ____ ? ‘
  • ‘ ____ GET UP THOSE STAIRS, NOW. ‘
  • ‘ YOU GOTTA EARN YOUR BODY TYPE. ‘
  • ‘ HOW IN THE WORLD AM I IN FRONT OF YOU ? ‘
  • ‘ GODDAMMIT, ____ ! ‘
  • ‘ HOW AM I GOING FASTER THAN YOU ? I’M IN A CAR. ‘
  • ‘ ____ leave the salad dressing alone, there’s fat in there somewhere. ‘
  • ‘ Tonight we are going on another run and you are not going to slack off. ‘
  • ‘ OH, NO YOU DON’T, YOU SICK FREAK! ‘
  • ‘ YOU STARTED YOUR DIET 19 MINUTES AGO! ‘
  • ‘ YOU REVERSE RIGHT NOW. SLOW DOWN, GEEZ! ‘
  • ‘ WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING ? SERIOUSLY. ‘
  • ‘ I JUST WANTED NUGGETS. ‘
  • ‘ YOU ARE ONE NUGGET FROM GETTING 0 LIKES ON YOUR NEXT INSTAGRAM POSTS, ____. ‘
  • ‘ Just thinking about McDonald’s is 500 calories. ‘
  • ‘ YOU PICK UP YOUR SANDALS AND MOVE THOSE LITTLE UMPA-LUMPA FEET. ‘
  • ‘ Do you wanna wear a two piece or a snowsuit? ‘
  • ‘ ____, GET UP. ‘
  • ‘ Just ‘cause you’re dreaming of money doesn’t mean you’re making it. ‘
  • ‘ Do you WANT this whipped cream on you ? ‘
  • ‘ You are literally snoring your job away. ‘
  • ‘ You are about to get fired. You’re gonna be forced to become a stripper, do you have any idea how competitive that field is ? ‘
  • ‘ Oh my god, ____, are you still asleep ? ‘
  • ‘ You’re a freaking sloth. All you do is eat, sleep, eat, sleep. ‘
  • ‘ I’m not gonna chase after the car. ‘
  • ‘ I’m mad at you, you woke me up five times. ‘
  • ‘ I said the chicken parm was MINE. ‘
  • ‘ I didn’t know you worked at four, you set the alarm for nine. ‘
  • ‘ You are not getting street meat. ‘
  • ‘ You don’t even have shoes on, you filth. ‘
  • ‘ You’re not gonna ruin your diet for an Oscar Mayer, you freak. ‘
  • ‘ She’s/He’s gonna get a whole grain with lettuce. That’s it. ‘
  • ‘ Every McDonald’s knows who you are, you little Hamburgeler. ‘
  • ‘ You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says Nug Life. ‘
  • ‘ Why does it look like you killed a grocery store. ‘
  • ‘ Move the shirt. Okay, stop sucking it in. WHAT THE HELL, ARE YOU PREGO ? ‘
  • ‘ ____ did you eat my cupcakes. ‘
  • ‘ I need you to be a snitch right now. ‘
  • ‘ You wanna eat my cupcakes as a team, then you’re gonna run as a team. ‘
  • ‘ Are you really choosing sleep over life ? ‘
  • ‘ Close the light. ‘
  • ‘ Oh my goodness, she’s a vampire. ‘
  • ‘ Are you wearing make up to sleep ? Is there someone in your dreams I don’t know about ? ‘
  • ‘ I honestly don’t know what takes longer, you or the new season of Orange Is The New Black. ‘
  • ‘ ____ GIVE ME BACK MY SHOE ! ‘
  • ‘ There is always time for sushi. ‘
  • ‘ You’re over here making out with a chicken wing at this time ? ‘
  • ‘ I wouldn’t care if you’d weighed as much as precious, you’d still be precious. ‘
  • ‘ Look at you, ____. You got in trouble. ‘
  • ‘ A shortcut ? This isn’t Mario Kart ! ‘
  • ‘ None of this number 2 stuff. Hurry up. ‘
  • ‘ Who do you think you are, you McThief ? ‘
  • ‘ If I catch up to you you’re sleeping on the couch. ‘
  • ‘ Open it slowly. ‘
  • ‘ Why would you do that? ‘
  • ‘ If you look closely there’s a corn. ‘
  • ‘ Four of them fell accidentally into my mouth. ‘
  • ‘ Are you trying to capture Hansel And Gretel ? ‘
  • ‘ I’m never bringing you here again. ‘
  • ‘ You and your pregnant tendencies. ‘
  • ‘ How are you gonna become a vegan when your pillow smells like bacon? ‘
  • ‘ I had to wake up just to wake you up. ‘
  • ‘ You love food more than you do me. ‘
  • ‘ You have a whole drawer dedicated for junk food. I don’t even go in there ‘cause I’m afraid of it’s Narnia like powers. ‘
  • ‘ If you were what you eat you’d be nuggets, Kraft dinner and a vodka. ‘
  • ‘ DO NOT PUT THE CHIPS UP THERE ! ‘
  • ‘ You’re walking like a penguin. ‘
  • ‘ THAT’S A BEER PONG CUP. YOU LITERAL JUST DRANK A SPORT. ‘
  • ‘ This isn’t Coyote Ugly, GET DOWN ! ‘
  • ‘ They have a Mario Kart ? Like, what is going on here ? Are you winning? ‘
  • ‘ THIS ISN’T CHUCKY CHEESE, MICHAEL PHELPS, GET OUT. ‘
  • ‘ What are you gonna do ? Walk all the way to McDonald’s ? ‘
  • ‘ You NEED to put your shoes back on. ‘
  • ‘ It’s a hard nug life for you. ‘
  • ‘ You get drunk just thinking about alcohol. ‘
  • ‘ I said tequila once and you tipped over. ‘
  • ‘ JUST FORGET ABOUT THE HONEY BUNS, ____. YOU’RE STRONGER THAN THIS. THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU. ‘
  • ‘ You chow down like a cartoon character. I witnessed you eat a pizza without biting once. ‘
  • ‘ GET OUT OF THE WATER, THIS ISN’T FINDING DORY. ‘
  • ‘ If you’re THAT desperate for change book a hair appointment and stop stealing coins, Robin Hood. ‘
  • ‘ I’m not Noah and you’re not Ally. ‘
  • ‘ I’m not turning on the GPS, man-tracker. Like you got lost in your own backyard, relax. ‘
  • ‘ I understand why you got the donuts, ‘cause you suffer from Homer Simpson syndrome. ‘
  • ‘ Are you part of some Krispy Creme club ? Do you guys meet up on Wednesdays and talk about the glaze ? ‘
  • ‘ That’s not a purse. You’re confused- IT’S A BOX WITH STRING. ‘
  • ‘ You can’t be hoarding them like Pokemon Collectibles. ‘
  • ‘ I can’t believe you buried my doughnuts. Like, you’re sick. ‘
  • ‘ You know you’re not ready to go ‘cause there’s a sale at Victoria’s Secret. ‘
  • ‘ STOP RUNNING I’M IN FLIP FLOPS. ‘
  • ‘ Some girl told me if I put on her clothes and started running she’d pay me 20 bucks. ‘
  • ‘ Get out of the tree, woodpecker. ‘
  • ‘ Hey, my man, don’t be lookin’ at my Elizabeth. You better be looking at Number Two. ‘
  • ‘ That’s how hungry you are. That you assume it says Carter-pie when you know it says Carter-pi. ‘
  • ‘ You are a disgrace to Pokemon Training. ’
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